I have a problem. I love to buy books that attract me for some reason, and I get really down on myself if I can’t bring myself to finish reading them. This is especially true of the self-help genre.
Several months ago (pre-COVID), I purchased a book called “Find your F*ck Yeah: Stop censoring who you are and discover what you really want.” I got this book in part because of it’s irreverent title. Most self-help books I read a deeply spiritual in nature, really getting to the heart and spirit of things, and so are written without profanity which sometimes makes me want to scream. Sometimes the work of healing involves the need for the use of strong language. This is hard, pain-full work.
I found this book on the shelf at the bookstore and the title (and color) called out to me. One of the things I feel I am missing is a “passion.” I often feel like I am supposed to have something that drives me to put in the work and the practice to establish something I do really, really well. The blurb in the dust jacket caught my attention, “Despite everything society says, you are not a living brand, you do not have to have one passion/purpose/calling, and no amount of #selfcare is going to change your life.” It goes on to talk about the use of science and experiments to prove that there is no one-size-fits-all formula for success. My confirmation bias was ready for something like this. I wanted to find it and LOVE it.
I started reading the book expecting, that like most of my self-help genre, I would read a little at a time. I started strong. I covered the introduction and the first two chapters in no time at all. I accept the idea that my brain, and the mess of anxiety, depression, and need to please is a big part of why I can’t seem to feel authentic. The author talks about the science I know and understand. I appreciated the irreverent language and the “tell it like it is” mentality, even while feeling turned off by the snarky/angry undertones.
I started Chapter 3 feeling pretty good about where this would go even if I didn’t like some of the attitude, but I got stopped cold…Chapter 3 criticized a system that I agree is broken, but it was done in a way that completely discounts any understanding of the educational system. The view of science and the scientific method felt completely removed, and her previous irreverence turned into outright hostility to anyone who dared to question her.
I powered through chapter 3. Finding some of the work hard to swallow (supposedly because I am a butthurt GenXer who doesn’t really understand the true uniqueness of the millennial/iGen person).
At this point I am about 1/3 of the way through the book and have been given nothing to grasp besides what I am “not.” I am NOT a brand. I am NOT entirely individual. I am NOT an entitled brat. I am NOT… all of which are good to hear, and already things I buy, but hearing what I am NOT has yet to tell me how to embrace the myriad of things that I am, which doesn’t involve being passionate or “great.”
I am honestly not sure I can stomach the rest of this book. If it is going to continue on the path it appears to be on. A quick scan of the rest of the book tells me that she is not saying anything new, she is distilling down research I have already read and know. She is pushing the idea of “art” and “growth mindset.” One of which I have, and one I wish I had.
I know that it is hard work to read all the acclaimed books on Flow and Growth Mindset and belonging, but throwing soundbytes into a book that is marketed to make you better feels like an innovation fail. I think I would prefer just to read the original work.
I opened this book with the hope of finding something that would help me find a method that worked for me, but perhaps I am just going to have to find my own irreverence, free myself to speak it, and put aside a book that I clearly don’t want to finish.
Today, I send Alexis Rockley a huge blast of positive energy for finding her own “F*ck Yeah.” I hope her method works for others, but it isn’t for me. So instead of trying to continue to power through, I am going to toss the book into a “little library” on my way home today and hope it finds a reader who will benefit from it. Today, I am going to love that I am actually not so much of a self-help junky that I will just read anything to get a fix.
I don’t need to finish every book I start or like every book I pick up. So I don’t finish “Find Your F*ck Yeah,” ah well, I am still a good human. And I am still on my journey to wholeness.
Engineering Wholeness 