I am going to start this post by saying that I am about to reveal something about myself that very, very few people know. There are several reasons for this “shame” around this part of my life, but here it is. While I have never really found traditional tarot useful for me, I do practice the use of divinity through cards. I primarily use Jamie Sams Animal Medicine Cards.
I discovered these cards around 2011 through a class I was taking on Shamanic Journey (which is also something I need to return to my life and discuss, but another time). I found the awareness of animal power and medicine to be something that drew me deeply in.
The animal cards are mostly animals found in North America and focus primarily on the system of belief derived from our Native American ancestors about the value of understanding our animal brethren as we walk through our life. Animals, in native traditions, bring forth a lot of wisdom, and through this practice I have started paying more attention to the animals that enter my life.
Yesterday, after talking with my spiritual director, I realized that I had no regrets about the things I had been letting go, but I did have regrets around things I have been letting go in attempts to “fit in.” I have regrets about the things I don’t say, the activities I don’t participate in, the things I want to do, but don’t make time for. While my path to wholeness is certainly about letting go of some of the things that I carry, that no longer serve me, this path also needs to include picking back up those things that do serve me. So I pulled the cards. Some of the revelations are ones I am still working to understand. But one came through loud and clear.
It is time to embrace the unknown. It is time to really explore my shadow self and take the time to understand and embrace those parts of me that live in duality . I am a complex human being that lives my life in full technicolor. My beliefs, feelings, thoughts, ideas, etc. are more complex than just good or bad, right or wrong. Life is more complicated than that. I can, for example, get some pleasure from the karma of Donald Trump being positive for COVID, and at the same time pray for his health and safety. I can admit to protecting my own money through the advantage of tax breaks, while at the same time professing a need to support our more impoverished neighbors.
So I am going to continue to work on the letting go. The getting rid of that which no longer serves me, but I am also going to work on embracing the change. I will be doing this starting with two practices. I am going to use Jennie Lee’s book Spark Change and Ruby Seastone’s Art Life.
Spark Change asks us to deeply consider 108 deeply spiritual questions that are intended to walk us through the deep and sometimes difficult work of looking at our inner self. The book is going to walk through a number of potentially difficult questions that are intended to aid in a personal evolution. Which is exactly what I need right now.
The truth is, that I have been progressing on this journey for most of my life, but the more I find peace with my outer life, the more I realize I need peace in my inner life.
Perhaps, Spark Change will give me a better sense of finding that inner peace then Finding Your F*ck Yeah did. I am often better at self-help when I am given ways of finding my own inner knowledge.
The second way I am going to be working on my inner work is through Artlife. I realize that I need to make the time to bring creative/art energy into my life and I need to start that from a place free from any sort of expectation. I bought this workshop something like 8 years ago, with the intent of working through it, starting and stopping. Now, I am going to document the journey, so…we will see how it goes. Maybe this time I can stick with it….make time for it.
As an aside, I am also embracing that my work at this time involves working with Mindfulness during this time of upheaval. I have started building a website for a workshop I am developing at my other venture The Om Space . It is time to embrace the fullness of me.
Welcome to the confusing, and often crazy, way my mind works.
Engineering Wholeness 